Philosophy - paper written last year

  I will be exploring that which I value most in my life   This paper will portray me, as a work in progress.  

I value most in my life is my journey to find God. I have the ability to wake up everyday and know that I am loved and part of the entire universe.  Originally I thought it was God that I valued most, but it is in finding him and living with the knowledge that he is inside of me that makes life worthwhile.  I am still here after forty-eight years, which tells me I am a part of something bigger and more thought out than my life up to this point. 

When I found myself in my forties, like so many others, sought to find purpose while on this earth.  I had basically raised my family, had a good life working as a Bank Manager, and had a husband of twenty-three years. Yet I was not happy and I had been unhappy for over ten years.  I lost my job, after doing “The Purpose Driven Life[1]” and I sat on my bed watching television, waiting for something to jar me out of the numbness I felt deep within my soul.  How could I have gotten here?  I asked myself this question over and over as I struggled with life’s daily chores in between all the episodes of Law and Order on during the day.  It was a dark time of my life, I had other dark times but this one keep gnawing at me and I could not let it go.  I keep waiting for a sign and it finally came in a book – Managing your emotions[2].  Somewhere between Being a wife, and being a mother and being a Bank worker I lost My Self.  She was dead and I had to go about questioning everything I knew to be true, just like Descartes to find my way back to me and in turn to God.  I never really got over the death of my father some thirteen years earlier.  I just put on a happy face and went about the job of functioning.  I did this with pills, doctors, shopping, alcohol, bills and managing my family.  I did anything to numb the pain, to not face God for to face him meant I had to face my grief.  Finally after almost two years in deep despair, I saw Joyce Meyers on the television and she was so animated, open and honest about life and life’s promise.  I began watching her every evening; she was my gateway back to the living and enjoying life again.  I actually went to one of her “Woman’s Convention’s” in St. Louis, MO, the next summer and had a great time.  I never knew anything like that had existed before or I was just way to cool to attend a religious woman’s convention.  I never thought before that I was the type to go and speak about God (OUTLOUD), those we the people I shrunk from, the ones who said what they thought without regards for whoever might hear them, about God and how great god is.  I was not a person who did not know god – I was a person who knew god and keep him in a private place.  To me, knowing that god was with me all the time and that the devil (negativity) was always trying to get me to do things that were bad for me was a novel thought process.  So I tried it on for a while.  But I could not stop there I had to find my way back to my souls purpose for reincarnating on this earth.  So I began the process of finding my spiritual roots, so to speak.  I wished Joyce well in her journey, but it was not mine to have at this point in my life.  I had to find a deeper connection to God than the bible.  I already believed the bible was partially written by the early church as a way to control the people.  I guess seeing the way they treated Jesus, I had my doubts on the validity of the whole book in general. So I set out to find myself.  I knew everything had meaning; I just had to find the it.  I saw an article in the paper written by Jerry Davich, he interviewed two women in Chesterton one was a reader and one was a social worker/yoga teacher.  They were doing a 20/20 day, so I thought what the heck and off I went to get twenty minutes of Reiki and a twenty-minute reading.  That day changed my life.  Both the reading and the Reiki treatment were amazing, but something more grabbed me.  These two women were so calm and centered I knew I had to learn more from them. They both have become my friends and that was two years ago.  They came into my life when I really needed friends.  They offered classes and I took them on angel communication, spoon bending, numerology, qigong and yoga.  I felt like a kid again.  I studied astrology when I was younger and the writing of Edgar Cayce.  This was what I had been lacking in my daily life of service and work.  I missed looking and participating in the mysteries of life.  I learned about my life path, which is 27/9.  Being a twenty-seven/nine I had to deal with issues of trust, balance and service.  Ok now I knew and still do know about service, trust and balance I still struggle with.  I then moved on to Hayhouse radio, I had heard some of the authors while in yoga and I was hungry for more theories.  Everything I wondered about was being answered for me.  I live on the river in Hobart Township and I always thought it was a coincidence that people who live on the river looked different.  I learned about the fairy people who once inhabited the earth and all of the other elemental realms.  I became attuned to Reiki last year, I always believed my hands could heal, but I never realized that when you heal someone, it is for their highest good.  I had the skill but not the reasoning behind it.  So when I did a healing I was just a vessel for the energy and directing it to the person, place or thing, I had to let go of the outcome. 

I have done a lot of reading from author like Ramtha, Doreen Virtue, Louise L hay, Wayne Dyer, Dan Millman and Dr Stephen Farmer.  I am drawn to shamanistic practices and truly believe that the angels and the ascended master send me animal messengers.  One Sunday I was looking out my living room window onto the river, feeling in a spiritual funk and wanting a sign, then as my eyes focused I saw an animal in the tree, I thought what is it – it is so big and so I ran to get my mini binoculars and when I focused them on the animal he was looking at me – looking at him – our eyes me – it was a beautiful golden eagle bringing me a message.  So I got my book out and what did it say the eagle brings a message of opportunity, new beginnings and spiritual awakening.  I was ready. I learned about crystals and their energy in clearing the chakras, the energy centers in the body.  I am all about transforming my energy to a higher vibrational level.  That is when I heard about DNA activation, I recently had this done on Sept. 8 2009; I had the first twelve strands of my DNA activated.  The procedure for this was quite interesting; it is a set of tuning forks calibrated to the pitch of each strand.  This also allows me to tap into other dimensions as I become a higher vibrational being on this earth. This was very interesting to me doing yoga and qigong I knew a little about the meridian inside the human body.  I am learning how to help this body of mine stay healthy and active.  I would know say that I have mastered an enlightened state buy I am moving towards that goal every day; through meditation and yoga.  Although I have studied some Wiccan practices, I am not a practicing Wicca follower.  I am more interested in the how this all fits together than creating a spell at this point in my journey. 

This is where my philosophy of life is currently; I am on a spiritual journey, I realize it sounds crazy or foolish; I used to be the person who believed such things were crazy.  But I am so incredibly happy.  I love myself again and that is what I value most. I'm a work in progress.  I do not have it all figured out.  Most of my truths are not new found but I am finding it easier to speak them out loud to my family and friends.  I am not a mainstream easy reading kind of girl; I was named approximately Mary, Mary quite contrary. My opinions and beliefs are developing over my lifetime, when I have the time to explore new ideas and ideologies. I do hope to find truth and validation in my beliefs, my life and my life’s purpose.

Works Cited

Hay, Louise L. Heal your Life. Carlsbad: Hay House Inc, 2004. Print

Dyer, Wayne W. Secrets to Manifesting Your Destiny. Niles: Nightingale-Conant,                

1999. Print

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[2] Managing your emotions